You know what they say: a minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

And it's especially front of mind in springtime, as we prepare to doff heavy clothes for feather-light sundresses and -- gasp! -- bikinis if we're bold.

Coincidentally -- not -- here come the dieting-related marketing ploys, just in time for most of us to glance down and see the hideous sight of ripply fat amassed during last winter's comfort foodathons.

As recently reported in the LA Times, joining the usual exfoliants and self-tanners with caffeine are a spate of lip glosses from PurpleLab claiming to help you eat less, and thus lose weight. Containing herbal ingredients like hoodia, St. John's Wort and peppermint, some of these are newer than others.

And with names like Huge Lips, Skinny Hips and Express Effects Thingloss, it's a sucker's paradise. Who goes for this stuff I don't really know: probably anyone who's desperate to lose a few pounds. Ahem, that means most of us.

Of course, if you don't want to smear your lips in funky ingredients like rice bran and rhubarb extract, you can always drop $200 bucks on stupid-looking Masai Barefoot Technology Sneakers (MBTs), which while not new to market, claim to help tone the body and reduce joint and muscle problems. Utilizing "Masai Barefoot Technology," the shoes mimic the "elegant upright posture and lack of joint and back problems" of the Masai tribe of Africa.

Quentin Tarantino seemed to be wearing them as part of his hideous fashion ensemble while appearing as a guest expert on last week's American Idol. My stepmother even has a pair of MBTs and just offered them to me since they made her legs hurt.

My bikini is staring at me; I'll skip the lip gloss - but take the sneaks. You never know what might work...