The other day I wrote about my online dating experiment, conducted some few years ago before I found my guy. It was a daunting search, and happened a few months before Valentine's Day. I looked at it like a big sociology experiment, since while my interest in meeting someone great was real, the disappointment of not finding a good match was, too. Thinking of the process as a science made it easier, more ironic, funnier, less depressing.
During the search I was taken to several nice dinners but also raised my alcohol intake and cholesterol considerably and had my car impounded. I met sports coaches, lawyers, technophiles, an understudy for the Phantom of the Opera, doctors, surfers, day traders, and many more.
Some were classic sociopaths, others regular Joes. At least two were likely gay but giving it one more go 'round in the straight world. Several men had "dog issues," wherein it was made clear that should a relationship develop, there was no question who would always be more important in the equation: the dog. One made his Rhodesian Ridgeback scrambled eggs on his dog's birthday. Another refused to go away for a weekend with me because the dog could not come.
By the end of December, I met a good-looking guy who kept homes in NY and Miami. He exuded tool-ishiness, but invited me for a date in Miami on New Year's Eve. I went, since I had friends there anyway and figured the possibility of my ending up chopped up or drowned in the Everglades was low. It was not a love connection to say the least, and he was a turd.
It was January 2006 and I had no one. Glum, shortly after, I went to see a $375/hour cognitive therapist my mom paid for (these days I save my money for more constructive things, like food and shoes); she clearly thought I needed help. One session with the good doctor, and I vowed to swear off dating men who, as he put it, "had different goals" than I did. For instance, those who did not want to have a family but preferred to date every woman in New York at once with no interest in finding someone special (oh, the irony).
Three weeks later -- but not by Valentine's but on April Fool's Day -- I met my daughter's father , a special guy. He was my next door neighbor and our living rooms and bedrooms had been abutted all along. I took it as kismet and began to date him. We now have our most adored Little L.
So, if you find yourself feeling bereft in advance of this Valentine's Day, take action now! Use the web if you're ballsy. You've still got a month and a half till April first. There is comfort in the idea that matches can be found in the least likely places -- online or off. Comment with your own disaster stories -- and happy endings.
Previously: Part I
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Posted on Feb 12th 2009
By JennyP23
I am terrified of dating online and your one sentence in this article explains why. "I dont want to end up chopped up or drowned in the everglades" I guess I am one of those who fears the worst in every situation and still follows the rules don't talk to strangers. By the way I am 29 not 11 but for some reason still think that if I don't know you than you are probably a serial killer. I say some of this with humor of course but how do you really know who these people are online. Im not so much afraid to chat or email with a date online but meeting in person is a whole other story and if I don't want to meet in person than what is the point of chatting it up online? See my dilemma. I have a friend who does online dating regularly and she keeps me informed of the nice guys and the creeps and says I should just bite the bullet and sign up. She even mentioned that once it came to meeting in person to run a background check on them. Interesting point I thought, I guess I would feel better about meeting someone if I knew their criminal past. I guess I will just have to grow a pair and give it a shot. whats the worse that can happen right? oh yea, ending up in the bottom of the river. Oh well.
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